〈Parallel Universes〉 平行時空

8、〈角色體驗藥水〉

科技業是許多人羨慕的工作，「研發工程師」更是「科技新貴」中的寵兒，優渥的待遇讓我很快地買房買車，可亮麗的經濟條件背後，卻是日以繼夜的身心煎熬，燃燒身體健康換取報酬。
週末，好友小邱硬拉我去教堂做禮拜，介紹我認識神父和幾位教友。以往，我是啥教都不信奉，只信「倒頭睡覺」的。在教堂裡，當神父主持禱告儀式時，我不免趁這機會向上帝發牢騷，還鐵齒地嗆聲說：「除非你能助我脫離苦海，否則我不會相信你存在。」
那箱藥水，是在一次奇幻的夢境之後出現的。夢裡一位長著翅膀的美女天使，說是上帝聽見我禱告時抱怨，特地指派她送來這箱神奇藥水，讓我體驗各種角色。
「當你在體驗過幾種角色後，如果你喜歡某個角色，並決定停止體驗別的角色，那麼就把剩下來的藥水，倒進那只空的藥瓶裡即可，它就會變成解藥。」
「可如果，我想回到原本的角色呢？」
「那你喝一口解藥，就能回復原本的樣子。」
於是，幾天後的某個晚上，我決定開始一段體驗不同角色的奇幻歷程。第一瓶引起我興趣的藥水：「美才女」，我一口喝下後，照著說明說，躺到床上閉眼默唸許願，昏沉沉睡著。次日上午，鬧鐘叫醒我，我揉著惺忪的眼睛，發現我的房間裝潢完全變成女孩家的樣式，牆面掛著我演唱會時的登台海報，連身上穿的睡衣都是粉色系鑲蕾絲滾邊。
「我，現在的角色是個歌星嗎？」還在猶疑時，手機響起：「小魚，一個鐘頭後我帶化妝師去接妳，中午那個飯局很重要，郭董是我們的大咖贊助商，你得好生按奈喔！」
「你是誰啊？我幹嘛得去陪人家吃飯？」我搔著臉頰，大腦還在開機狀態，沒好氣地反問。
「我是你的經紀人小邱啊！你又亂買鎮定劑來吃？都跟你說別亂買成藥，搞得整個人精神恍惚……」我懶得聽他叨唸，順手按掉電話。
中午的飯局果然比午夜惡夢還驚悚，模樣長得跟大肚魚沒兩樣的「郭董」，臉上的肥肉滿到堆往下巴，簡直就是大公豬的頭。他不但頻頻伸出鹹豬手捏我屁股，甚至還想碰觸我那對車頭燈，要不是我及時出手架開。這樣的老豬哥，竟然開價要包養我！我故意吊他胃口，說我會認真考慮，費了一番功夫才脫離現場。
回到錄音室，心情並沒有變得好一些，一首新歌試唱了兩回，總覺得詮釋得不夠到位。
「歌女生涯原是夢」，折騰了一個多月，就在唱片即將灌錄的前一晚，坐在窗前，我對著梳妝鏡裡的自己，細細回想這個月來的生活點滴，總結出歌女的角色並不適合我。於是我取出那只藥箱，挑了一瓶「大老闆」，一口喝下後，照著說明書，躺到床上閉眼默唸許願，昏沉沉睡著。
次日上午，管家來敲房門。女僕阿桃姐幫我打點門面，吃過早餐後，我讓司機
帶我去公司，主持各部門主管會議。每個部門的經理，都準備了ppt檔，各自在十分鐘內報告該部門的業務執行情形，我耐著性子詳細聆聽，一個冗長的會議總算開完。「大老闆果然不是人當的」，辦公室桌上一堆等待批核的公文，下班後和週末還有一些同業之間，大老闆們交際應酬的行程。
我忍不住問特助說：「為什麼每天我得跟打陀螺似的這麼忙碌，幾乎沒有自己的時間？」
特助委婉地說：「老闆，因為這是您的事業啊！」
「你能否幫我安排一次休假，十天半個月，讓我出國旅行散心？」
特助面有難色說：「這…，可能有些困難，除非您放心把公司業務交給邱副總…」
「邱副總…」我心想：「這傢伙不夠精明，把公司交給他，那些經理恐怕每個都樂得逍遙，這顯然行不通…」。
周而復始，上班批公文主持會議，下班週末交際應酬，酒店三溫暖。兩個月後，我發覺自己真的很厭倦了，於是我決定再換一次角色。
這次的角色「旅行作家」，替旅遊雜誌撰寫特約稿，似乎感覺還不錯。大學時代讀過日本小說家川端康成的《雪鄉》，小說裡的男主角島村就是個簽約小說家，每年冬季固定到冰天雪地的雪鄉裡，找藝妓廝混，從那之後，我就嚮往著這種神仙式的生活。穿著風衣夾克和吊帶長褲，身上揹著數位相機和一部小筆電，還有高階手機，這趟旅程是介紹日本的三個古都：京都、奈良和鎌倉。雜誌社指派一位精通日語的助理小邱給我，她是個台日混血的小精靈，很機靈又善解人意。
我們兩人默契很好，旅途期間感覺像一對新婚夫妻前來度蜜月，讓我開始有了想要成家的念頭。這回的角色體驗，讓我做出最後決定，不再羨慕什麼大老闆，也不想當一部日夜操勞的科技業工作機器人，我活著就該為了讓自己自由快樂，而不是為了事業或財富，犧牲掉自由和快樂。

8. “The Role-Experience Potion”
Working in the technology industry is a job many people envy, and a “research and development engineer” is especially favored among the ranks of the “new elite in technology.” The generous compensation allowed me to buy a house and a car in no time, but behind those glamorous financial conditions was the physical and mental torment of working day and night, burning through my health in exchange for income.
One weekend, my good friend Xiao Qiu dragged me to church for Sunday worship and introduced me to a priest and several fellow worshippers. In the past, I did not believe in any religion whatsoever; I believed only in “falling into bed and sleeping.” As the priest led the prayer service, I could not resist taking the opportunity to complain to God, and I even defiantly challenged Him, saying, “Unless you can help me escape this life of suffering, I won’t believe you exist.”
That box of potions appeared after a strange dream. In the dream, a beautiful winged angel told me that God had heard my complaints during my prayer and had specifically sent her to deliver this box of magical potions, allowing me to experience different roles.
“After you have experienced several different roles, if you like a particular role and decide to stop experiencing the others, simply pour the remaining potions into that empty potion bottle, and it will turn into an antidote.”
“But what if I want to return to my original role?”
“Then take a sip of the antidote, and you will return to your original appearance.”
So, a few days later, one evening, I decided to begin a fantastical journey of experiencing different roles. The first potion that caught my interest was “Beautiful Talented Woman.” After drinking it in one gulp, I followed the instructions, lay down on my bed, closed my eyes, silently made a wish, and soon drifted into a deep sleep.
The next morning, my alarm clock woke me. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and discovered that my bedroom had been completely transformed into a girl’s room. Posters from my concert performances hung on the walls, and even the pajamas I was wearing were pink with lace trim.
“Am I a pop singer now?” I was still wondering when my phone rang.
“Xiaoyu, I’ll pick you up with a makeup artist in an hour. That lunch meeting is very important. Chairman Kuo is one of our major sponsors, so you need to keep him happy.”
“Who are you? Why do I have to go eat with him?” I scratched my cheek, my brain still booting up, and replied irritably.
“I’m your manager, Xiao Qiu! Did you buy tranquilizers and take them again? I told you not to randomly buy over-the-counter medicine. It’s making you completely dazed and out of it...” I was too lazy to listen to the lecture and casually hung up the phone.
The lunch meeting turned out to be even more horrifying than a midnight nightmare. “Chairman Kuo” looked just like a big-bellied fish, with so much flesh piled beneath his face that he looked like the head of a huge boar. He repeatedly reached out with his wandering hands to pinch my buttocks and even tried to touch my breasts. If I had not quickly pushed his hands away, who knows what would have happened. This old lecher actually offered to keep me as his mistress! I deliberately kept him waiting for an answer, telling him that I would seriously consider his offer, and after quite a struggle, I finally managed to get away.
Back at the recording studio, I did not feel any better. I sang through a new song twice, yet I still felt that my interpretation was not quite right.
“A singer’s life is really just a dream.” After struggling with it for more than a month, on the night before the record was scheduled to be recorded, I sat by the window and stared at myself in the vanity mirror, carefully recalling everything that had happened during the past month. In the end, I concluded that the role of a female singer was not suitable for me.
So I took out the potion box and selected one labeled “Big Boss.” After drinking it in one gulp, I followed the instructions, lay down on my bed, closed my eyes, silently made a wish, and soon drifted into a deep sleep.
The next morning, the butler knocked on my bedroom door. My maid, Sister A-Tao, helped me get dressed and ready. After breakfast, I had the chauffeur drive me to the company, where I presided over a meeting with the heads of all the departments.
Every department manager had prepared a PowerPoint presentation, and each gave a ten-minute report on the operations and performance of his or her department. I patiently listened to every report in detail, and after what seemed like an endless meeting, it finally came to an end.
“Being a big boss really isn’t something an ordinary person can handle.” On my office desk was a huge pile of documents waiting for my approval. After work and on weekends, there were also endless social engagements with other business executives.
I could not help asking my executive assistant, “Why do I have to be this busy every day, like a spinning top, with almost no time of my own?”
The executive assistant tactfully replied, “Boss, because this is your business.”
“Can you arrange a vacation for me, maybe ten days or half a month, so I can travel abroad and clear my head?”
The executive assistant looked troubled. “Well... that might be difficult, unless you are comfortable leaving the company’s operations to Vice President Qiu...”
“Vice President Qiu...” I thought to myself, “That guy isn’t sharp enough. If I leave the company to him, those department managers will probably be thrilled to slack off and do whatever they want. Clearly, that won’t work.”
And so it went, day after day: going to work, approving documents, presiding over meetings; after work and on weekends, attending business dinners and social engagements, followed by visits to hotels and spas. After two months, I realized I was truly exhausted by it all, so I decided to change roles one more time.
This time, the role was “travel writer,” writing freelance articles for a travel magazine. It seemed to suit me quite well. When I was in college, I had read Japanese novelist Yasunari Kawabata’s Snow Country. The protagonist, Shimamura, was a professional writer who regularly traveled to the snow-covered countryside every winter, where he spent time with geishas. Ever since then, I had longed for that kind of carefree, almost heavenly life.
Wearing a trench coat, jacket, and suspendered trousers, I carried a digital camera, a small laptop, and a high-end smartphone. This trip was to introduce three of Japan’s ancient capitals: Kyoto, Nara, and Kamakura. The magazine assigned me an assistant named Xiao Qiu who was fluent in Japanese. She was a little sprite of Taiwanese-Japanese mixed heritage, quick-witted and considerate.
The two of us worked together with remarkable understanding. Throughout the journey, we felt almost like a newlywed couple on our honeymoon, and I began to develop the desire to start a family of my own.
This final experience of changing roles led me to make my decision. I no longer envied the big bosses, nor did I want to become a work machine in the technology industry, laboring day and night. I realized that I should live my life to be free and happy, rather than sacrificing freedom and happiness for a career or wealth.