The Five Brothers' Dream

Lide’s true wavering came later, in Luo Yongping’s home.
Luo Yongping had a daughter named Luo Tingting, roughly the same age as Lide. In appearance, she was not as radiant as Yaoyao, and her brows and eyes did not carry that pride of a young lady raised in wealth. Yet she had another kind of temperament: clean, efficient, with a brightness in her eyes that came from having seen the outside world. She had originally worked as an English-speaking tour guide at the Provincial China Travel Service and had received quite a few foreign tour groups. Later, she was transferred to the Foreign Reception Department of the Macau China Travel Service. She could manage Mandarin, Cantonese, and English, spoke without stage fright, and smiled with ease.
The first time Lide saw her in the Luo family home, he had gone there to deliver a set of materials to Luo Yongping.
That evening, the light in the Luo family living room was soft. Several pieces of calligraphy and painting hung on the walls, and fruit and tea utensils were set upon the coffee table. Luo Yongping carried no official airs; wearing ordinary home clothes, he still made one feel his authority without anger. Luo Tingting came out from her room, saw Lide, and smiled.
“Director Ma has come?”
At that time, Lide had not yet formally taken office as director of the political-legal office, so he smiled and said, “I am not yet a director. Miss Luo’s title is a little early.”
Luo Tingting blinked. “Calling it early means I think well of you.”
The words were spoken lightly, yet they stirred Lide’s heart a little.
Afterward, he saw her several more times at the Luo home. Sometimes Luo Yongping called him over to discuss work; sometimes it was a casual weekend meal. Luo Tingting did not deliberately draw near, yet she always appeared at the proper moment. She would pour tea for guests, casually ask a question about the court or the Political and Legal Affairs Committee, and also tell amusing stories from receiving foreigners in Macau. She said that some foreign tourists arrived in Macau, clearly unable to read Chinese signboards, yet insisted on pretending they understood; others asked her why Chinese people were always so lively when eating, and she answered, “Because we are not only eating. We are confirming relationships.” Hearing this, Luo Yongping laughed loudly. “Tingting’s words summarize things better than some cadres.”
Lide laughed too, yet he heard the intelligence inside her words.
Luo Tingting’s liking for him was not, at first, ostentatious. She would not write her emotions openly on her face like Yaoyao, nor use tears to soften a man’s heart. Her approach had more measure: one extra question, one extra cup of tea left for him, one extra step in seeing him to the door, one sentence of “Be careful on the road” when he took his leave. Yet precisely because of this measure, Lide found it difficult to take lightly. He knew that the daughter of a Political and Legal Affairs Committee secretary would not treat a young cadre this way for no reason.
More importantly, Luo Yongping saw it too.
Luo Yongping did not say it plainly, but after one conversation he patted Lide on the shoulder. “Young man, work must be grasped, but life must also be considered. For a cadre, only when the home is steady can the heart be steady.”
The sentence was extremely light, yet heavier than any formal introduction.
After Lide went back, he did not sleep well the entire night.
He thought of Yaoyao, and he thought of Luo Tingting. Yaoyao was the woman for whom his heart had moved first. She was beautiful, affectionate, and after her father became gravely ill, she seemed even more lonely. Lide was not made of stone. When Zhang Jianqiang lay on the sickbed and entrusted his daughter to him, his heart had also ached. But the Zhang family was sinking, and Shenmoon Appliances Group’s old accounts were like a wet net; whoever touched it might be dragged down. Yaoyao needed someone to support her, protect her, perhaps even shield her from wind and rain. Inside that was love, but also responsibility, and still more trouble beyond calculation.
Luo Tingting was different.
She was not the most beautiful, but she was the most suitable. Behind her stood Luo Yongping; behind her stood the Political and Legal Affairs Committee; behind her stood a clear path through officialdom. Moreover, Luo Yongping, within Southern Yue’s official circles, counted as someone on the Ye family’s side. Outsiders did not dare say such a sentence casually, but those who understood all understood. Guangdong Ye family had deep roots and flourishing branches, stretching through the province, the cities, and many systems—political-legal affairs, transportation, foreign trade, and more. Luo Yongping might not be the most conspicuous branch, but he was still a man beneath that tree’s shade. Lide knew the weight of this. For a young cadre, if such shade could fall upon him, the road ahead would no longer be walked entirely by himself; someone would help him look at the road, open the road, and protect the road.
Officialdom speaks most of rules, and also most of rules not written on paper.
The rules on paper are education, seniority, rank, assessments, appointment and removal procedures. The rules outside paper are who appreciates you, who is willing to promote you, who speaks one sentence for you at a crucial meeting, who moves your name forward by half a place on a list. Only half a place—outside, no one can see it; inside, it may be several years of a life. In three years at the court, Lide had become a deputy-section-level presiding judge. Now, if he entered the political-legal office as a full section-level director, it would be a change of track. After changing tracks, he would come into contact with more leaders, and the platform would be broader. If Luo Yongping were then to become his father-in-law, many things would become smoother.
He was unwilling to admit that he was worldly.
Yet he also understood clearly that an official career had never been a pure river. It was more like the water network of the Pearl River Delta: calm on the surface, with hidden channels crossing beneath. If a person relied only on aloofness, he was easily swept away by the current. If he was too greedy, he would sink into mud. A clever person had to know which waterway could be taken, which dock should be approached, and which boat, though glamorous in appearance, was actually leaking.
Yaoyao was feeling.
Luo Tingting was road.
And Lide was standing between feeling and road.
He considered it carefully for a long time. In the end, he accepted Luo Yongping’s arrangement and was transferred to the municipal Political and Legal Affairs Committee’s political-legal office as director, at full section level. On the day the appointment came down, many people in the office congratulated him. Some said he was young and promising. Some said cadres who came out of the court were solid. Some said Secretary Luo had good judgment. Lide smiled and nodded to each of them, speaking little, but in his heart he understood that from that day onward, he was no longer only a presiding judge in the criminal court.
He began to enter and leave the Luo home more frequently.
At first, the reasons were all work: report materials, coordination meetings, comprehensive-management plans, special operations. Later, apart from work, there were meals, tea gatherings, and small weekend visits. When Luo Tingting returned from Macau, she would bring him a box of almond cakes and smile. “There is nothing good in the Foreigners’ Reception Department, only these things that tourists like to buy.” Lide accepted them and said, “You are using tourists’ taste to test a political-legal cadre.” Luo Tingting laughed. “Then have you passed?” Lide said, “I will only know after I finish eating.”
Such words came lightly and went lightly, yet they were already no longer like the words of ordinary acquaintances.
At the same time, he and Yaoyao gradually grew distant.
It did not break off all at once. Lide did not say heartless words, nor did he suddenly disappear. He merely became busy. There were fewer telephone calls, fewer meetings, and fewer visits to the hospital to see Zhang Jianqiang. Yaoyao asked him, “Are you very busy?” He answered, “I have just arrived at the Political and Legal Affairs Committee. There are many matters.” Yaoyao said, “I know. You are different now.” Lide was silent. She asked again, “Then what about us?” Looking at her, Lide’s heart ached, but he only said, “When your father’s health is a little steadier, we will talk properly.”
Yet everyone knew that some “talk later” meant there was already no way to talk.
Yaoyao was not a foolish girl. When the Zhang family was glorious, she had seen bustle; after her father became gravely ill, she had also seen human feeling recede with the tide. She could see the change in Lide. But seeing it did not mean she could accept it. Once, outside the ward, she stopped him. Her eyes red, she asked, “Lide, do you think our Zhang family is now a burden to you?”
The sentence was like a knife.
Lide instinctively said, “Do not think that way.”
“Then how should I think?” Yaoyao gave a cold laugh. “In the past, you came often. Now you are busy. In the past, you said we would carry things together. Now you say we will talk later. Does that mean that when my father is gone, you will be even busier?”
Lide’s face grew somewhat pale. He wanted to explain, but discovered that every explanation sounded like an excuse.
In the end, he only said in a low voice, “Yaoyao, I also have my road.”
Yaoyao looked at him for a long time, then suddenly smiled. That smile was uglier than crying. “Yes, you have a road. Our family now has only a sickbed and debts. Of course that is not a road.”
Lide had no words.
From then on, they almost no longer met.
Sometimes at night, when Lide thought of Yaoyao, his heart would sink. He knew he had wronged her, and also knew that at the most realistic juncture, he had chosen the side more advantageous to himself. Yet he would also defend himself: life could not be lived only by a moment’s feeling; an official career could not be dragged down by emotion. To move upward, one naturally had to cut away certain things. Besides, he had never promised marriage; besides, the Zhang family’s situation truly was complicated; besides, Luo Tingting was also sincere toward him; besides, Luo Yongping valued him; besides, such an opportunity might not come a second time in a lifetime.
The more reasons there were, the more uneasy the heart became.
But people in officialdom soon learn to hide unease.
After Lide arrived at the political-legal office, he became steadier, and also deeper. His words were more measured than before, and his smile more restrained. He knew which words should be said to Luo Yongping, and which could only be said to himself. He knew when he should take initiative and when he should wait. He knew how a document could make a leader feel comfortable, and he also knew the weight hidden behind seating order in a meeting. His official career was like a road freshly laid; the surface was still new, yet one could already faintly see the slope in the distance.
Luo Tingting also came to stand beside him more and more naturally.
She did not press him, nor did she ask too much about the past. She was intelligent, and knew that what men most feared was being interrogated; she also knew that feelings in officialdom could not be too hurried. She only appeared at the proper time, fell silent at the proper time, and at the proper time made him feel that this woman understood both life and measure. Sometimes, looking at her, Lide would think: if Yaoyao was like a flower swaying in wind and rain, Luo Tingting was more like a lamp with a shade—not dazzling, but able to light the road.
Finally, one day, after dinner, Luo Yongping walked with Lide beneath an osmanthus tree in the courtyard and said lightly, “Tingting has had her own mind since childhood. I generally do not stop her from choosing the person she has taken a liking to. But you are a political-legal cadre. In doing things, you must be steady; in being a person, you must also give an account.”
Lide understood.
He stopped walking and said seriously, “Secretary Luo, I understand.”
Luo Yongping looked at him. “It is good that you understand. A person’s road is not walked for him by others. But at crucial moments, if someone is willing to support you, you must know how to cherish it.”
That night, after returning, Lide sat in the dormitory for a long time.
Outside the window, the night was heavy. In the distance, the sound of motorcycles swept past in bursts. He thought of the case files of the criminal court, thought of Zhang Jianqiang’s bitter smile on the sickbed, thought of Yaoyao asking him that question with reddened eyes, and also thought of Luo Tingting softly saying “Be careful on the road” as she saw him off at the door. Human feeling, advantage, future prospects, indebtedness—they were like several threads tangled together, impossible to comb clean.
In the end, he only poured himself a cup of tea.
The tea was bitter, yet he slowly drank it to the end.
Lide knew that from this moment on, he had already made his choice. This choice was not entirely honorable, yet it was very real. It was not entirely heartless, yet it could not be called pure. He did not walk toward the hottest place of love, but toward the steadier shadow of power.
The rules of officialdom never speak loudly.
They merely stand there quietly, letting people understand them for themselves, and then walk over by themselves.